Lone eagle

His memory of the pain and guilt he had felt was finally growing dim.

“I forgot to send you that paper to sign yesterday,” he said apologetically, trying not to think of her standing naked at the phone. He wondered if she was wrapped in a towel, or wearing a robe. He stared out the window, and all he could see was Kate as he held the phone. “I'll drop it by.” He could have sent it by messenger, or mailed it to her. They both knew that. But Kate sounded casual as she smiled at her end.

“Do you want to come up when you drop it off?” There was a long empty pause, as Joe thought about it, and her.

His instincts told him to hang up on her, and run away, to resist all of her unspoken and long since unseen charms. He didn't want her in his life again, and yet she still was. He was still married to her, and she was his wife.

“I… uh… is that a good idea? Seeing each other, I mean.” A little voice in Joe's head was telling him to run."

"“I don't see why not. I think I can handle it. What about you?” She might as well have said “I'm over you,” and Joe had no way of knowing it, but she was not, and thought she'd never be.

But there was no point saying that to him.

“I suppose it would be all right,” he said, sounding distant again. But Kate didn't seem to mind. He no longer frightened her. He couldn't leave her now. He already had. All the worst possible things had happened to her, all the things she used to have nightmares about, and she had survived.

More important, even from the distance, she had finally understood who Joe was.

And even if she never saw him again, there was no question in her mind. She knew she would always love him, he would always be the standard against which she would measure other men. He was the biggest and the best, the only man she had ever truly loved, and the one she had accepted that she couldn't have. Knowing that, and that it was in part her fault that she had lost him, had been hard blows to recover from, but nonetheless she had. And she had come out of it, not broken but strong. He had never heard her sound quite like that before. Even over the phone, he knew there was something different about her. She no longer sounded like the wife he had left, but a much loved old friend. It made him long for her suddenly as he hadn't in months.

“When do you want to come by?” Kate asked hospitably.

“When will the kids be home?” he asked, feeling lonelier than he had in months.