Lone eagle

” He looked annoyed, and wanted the conversation to end. Just talking about it made him feel trapped, and worse yet, guilty for not wanting to marry her. And guilt was the one thing Joe couldn't stand. It struck terror in his heart, and it was a pain more acute than any he had ever known. It brought back each and every nightmare from his past, especially the echoed voices of the cousins who had relentlessly told him how “bad” he was as a child.

“This is our life we're talking about, our future,” Kate insisted, “I think that may just be important.

” There was an edge to her voice that was like fingernails on a blackboard to him. Her tone reminded him of her mother instantly.

“Do we have to settle it tonight?” He was irritated, but she was more so. She could feel him withdrawing, which made her want to clutch at him, and only drove him away more. They were trapped in a deathly dance. She was feeling abandoned by him, and sensing that in her, and the panic it caused, made him want to run.

Joe wanted to escape, and hide somewhere to lick his wounds, but Kate wasn't wise enough to leave him alone.

Panic was a powerful force she could not control."

"“Maybe we don't have to settle it at all,” she said unhappily, and hearing her tone made him feel guiltier and even more desperate to flee. Joe felt guilt like a physical blow she was dealing him. “Maybe you just did settle it,” she said. “You're telling me you don't want kids, and you don't see any reason to get married. That's kind of a big switch in decisions, isn't it?” His decisions affected her entire future, and she suddenly felt even more panicky.

She had been patiently waiting for the right time for him, for two years. And she had suddenly come to understand that there was no right time, as far as he was concerned, and never would be. Marriage was no longer an option for him. Or for her, as a result.

“I have a business to run, Kate. I don't know how much energy I'd have left for a wife and kids. Probably none.” He was frantically seeking refuge from her, and in his own way, his panic was as great as hers, but for Joe, it translated to something very distant and cool, which frightened her as much as her advances did him.

“What are you saying to me?” she said, as her eyes filled with tears. He was destroying everything she'd hoped for, and all her dreams with him. She had only come to New Jersey to work for him to facilitate their life together, and speed things up so they could settle down.